I want to study literature. I’m not an English Literature major or anything related, but I feel a pull to it. I wouldn’t mind dissecting and analyzing a text. So I figured I’d give it a try on my own.
I read about 80% of Paradise Lost and could follow along easily. On a surface level I understood the story. But then I watched a series of lectures from a Yale professor where he deep dives into the nuances of every line and what they meant to Milton on a personal level, along with hidden possible meanings and metaphors. I was left both amazed and feeling like I’m too dumb for this.
So I tried again.
I read the prologue of Beowulf… and there’s a lot I don’t understand. Just in the first few lines, whats a “foundling”? What’s a “whale-road”? I know I can watch videos of people explaining it, but that seems like having the answers just handed to me.
I want to have the skills to read a text and proficiently find an essays worth of insight within it. Maybe I’m just underestimating myself, but I feel like the world has so many highly intelligent, quick-minded people, and I’m sadly and frustratingly not one of them.
Learning stuff makes you feel dumb. Don’t give up. You have the interest and desire to do this, and that will carry you a very long way. It’s already gotten you through Paradise Lost, which most people haven’t achieved.
A different translation of Beowulf might help you. Wikipedia tells me that it’s considered difficult to translate and that there are tons of versions. If you’re serious about your ambitions, contact a professor who specializes in Old English works, tell them your story and ask for advice. Most of them would probably be thrilled to help someone interested in majoring in literature.