i know they’re her private journals, and shouldn’t necessarily be used as a rule book of any sort to live by; but being 19 myself, i thought i could gain knowledge from a girl who i assumed would most definitely have more common sense than i do.
i’m almost 200 pages in and am actually growing quickly tired of trying to track the different dates and men and boys. maybe the absence of her father plays a big part in this, but whatever enchantment sylvia has worked up in me is quickly made dull by the beginning of her next entry, which is a complete 180 from the last, in the span of a day (i love him, never mind i hate him, and there’s this other guy).
one day she’s accepted in mademoiselle, eating caviar, drinking champagne staying out late and the next (for no apparent reason) she’s dejected, hopeless. and she says it herself, she has everything and more. and i’m unfortunately not seeing it as “no matter how much you have you’re still empty”, rather than as “this girl has absolutely zero foresight”.
these journals have served only to paint sylvia as an extremely ungrateful person, and unfortunately i’ve gained no insight or found any knowledge to superimpose onto my own life (other than observe how childish and unappreciative one of your favorite authors realistically is)
I think you’re confused. Depression is a medical condition, while life circumstances can contribute, someone doesn’t have to have a terrible life to have depression. She didn’t choose it anymore than you did, she also lived in a time when much less was known about depression and there were not as many options to treat it. If you are looking for some clarity on your life, you should do some research on depression. Sylvia Path didn’t choose to have it and neither did you. People experience depression differently and you shouldn’t compare her struggle to yours. Your struggle is valid but so was hers. There might not be some big life lesson in her journals but you can take solace knowing you’re not alone, others have experienced depression as well.