“Do I think LA is a tar pit… No… No, I think you’re the tar pit. It doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you are, and that’s not gonna change whether you’re in California, or Maine, or New Mexico, y’know? You can’t escape you.”

This quote, spoken by Charlotte in ‘Escape from L.A.’, is the most affecting for me.

I think out of all the themes of BoJack Horseman, the one which speaks to me the most is the one of that longing to run away and start anew, become the person I want to be in a place which I trick myself into believing can allow me to be reborn. There are many ways in which I see myself in BoJack, but none more than the feeling of being unable to escape myself.

I’ve done what BoJack has done. I’ve hated who I am, wanted to be a better person, and deceived myself into believing that I can become the person I want to be if I run away from my old life, if I run away from it all. I dropped so many good things that were right in front of me back home to pursue this fairytale of an idea. I’ve literally moved myself to be in a different country on the other side of the planet from where I was in an attempt to try again, to improve and maybe find personal redemption for the things I haven’t been proud of in my ‘old’ life.

Nothing has changed. I’m doing the same things I used to do in my ‘old’ life. Nothing about me or my mind or my personality or my habits has changed, and it’s because I bought into this idea for so long. I leant so heavily on it that I consequently felt like I didn’t have to try, that all I had to do was ‘be somewhere new’ and the rest would fall into place… but it hasn’t, of course it hasn’t, because that’s ridiculous. Because who you are has nothing to do with where you are, like Charlotte said. Who you are is more intrinsic than that. No matter whether you’re in California or Maine or New Mexico; you can’t escape you.

I think a lot about as well how Diane experienced emptiness and loneliness whether she was in LA or Vietnam in ‘The Dog Days Are Over’. The things she said in that episode stand out to me for the same reasons and it’s something that I’ve really been ruminating on a lot lately. I came to this place to maybe find some deeper meaning for myself or a part of me that couldn’t be tapped into previously, but ultimately just end up feeling more isolated and alone than before.

But all of this is good. It’s good that I hadn’t changed, because now I know I can’t take an easy way out by running away. Now I know, just that little bit more, what I need to do to be better to myself and to those around me - to be happier. Nothing is easy, bettering yourself is certainly no exception. It requires effort, day in and day out, and consistency. You need to actively, reliably work towards the better person you want to be. You can’t hop on a plane and fly to London and expect to be someone new.

And things are getting better now, but that’s not because of geography, it’s because I’ve finally begun to put in the legwork after having this realisation. There now exists in my mind a new blueprint for self-improvement which has been largely created from me learning this lesson and having this experience. Will I be nostalgic for this period of my life? I don’t know. But one thing I know is that I’ll be grateful I had it at all.

I don’t know concretely what the purpose of me getting this out there was. I guess I just want to voice my appreciation for how wonderful this show is, and how it touches each of us in different, personal ways. I would feel nice knowing that others can relate to what I’ve said as well, perhaps? Maybe have some of you feel a little less alone in these feelings you might have.