It’s not odd at all! I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom died when I was 18, and it took me several years to learn how to cope. Dealing with their absence is one thing, but figuring out how to remember / honor them is a different challenge that’s entirely unique to the relationship you had with them.
My mom knew me as an avid creative writer and someone who could often find words where others could not. After she died, I drove myself crazy putting pressure on myself to become an admirable writer and a master of literature because, I thought it’s what she wanted me to be. For years, I failed to reach unattainable standards I set for myself, and I hated myself for letting her down. I eventually grew tired of the self-loathing and sought therapy to learn about mindfulness and loving myself despite my flaws and fears. It was during this time that I realized that what my mom wanted for me was never to be a world-renowned creative writer - it was to be proud of the deeply empathetic person I am, and to partner that attribute with my words to create open dialogues with people who may be suffering and in need of healing.
Anyway, my point in sharing all is to encourage you to be patient with yourself. House of Leaves is a hard ass book to read; I only ever read it fully once when I was in high school, and I’ve failed to reread it ever since, though I tried. Whether or not you manage to finish it, I’m certain you’ll find great ways to pay tribute to your mom, if you haven’t already. As for tips to reading the book… I’d say don’t be upset if you lose focus and sort of gloss over multiple paragraphs or pages. It’s not written in a style that’s easily consumed, considering the density of some paragraphs and the various fake references noted throughout. If you can find any piece of it that’s of interest to you, I’d say latch onto that, whether it’s one of the two main stories being told (Johnny’s or Navidson’s), or admiration for the weirdness of it all. If you’re just not an avid reader, maybe build up to it by spending time reading books you do find interesting first, then coming back to it; there’s nothing holding you to reading it right away.
Sorry for the novella of a comment. All the best. :)
I’d probably recommend starting with the LOTR movies. The books can be really dense - as a longtime fan of the movies, I’ve struggled to get through any of the books beyond The Hobbit, but that’s also bc I read that as a kid (it’s way easier and has a more playful prose writing style).
The Hobbit movies are bad. Shouldn’t have been a trilogy, and they went overboard with CGI and lore that isn’t included in the original book. Tolkien created more lore than you’ll find in most other fantasy worlds, but you don’t have to read everything to understand or enjoy what he built. You would have to read the LOTR trilogy in order for the sake of the plot, but The Hobbit and other stories are stand-alone.