New information doesn’t enter the mind through osmosis or force of will. This is also true of those you watch online (or in a classroom) for analysis. They didn’t learn the things they lecture about because they’re extra special and have super powered brains- they did extensive study and listened to others, which is what you’re doing. You’re not dumb, you’re expanding your mind. It’s work. For everyone. No point feeling guilty over not knowing everything, just staying curious enough to learn is half the battle. Try not to be discouraged.