I was going to get the book, A Little Life, after a lot of people recommended it to me. My favorite genre of books are dark fiction and non-fiction books that go into the psychological plagues trauma brings upon a persons mind. I read them too to examine how an author dissects a traumatic event or events and brings the characters into those situations and how the characters progress. What always shocks me is seeing how other people react to these books. I suffered severe childhood trauma in various different ways. So reading these books is sometimes comforting, sometimes I read them with the intent to relate to a character, in the thoughts of the character towards an event that others might not have thought one would even experience. But watching some peoples reactions to books like A Little Life, and becoming nauseous or being in disbelief, I find it shocking. What are the experiences of people who read books who did not read it with intent to relate to the character. Why did you pick the book up? Im interested to see the other side of the coin. Does the emotional experiences of the characters resonate with you? Do you see any parallels within your our own life and the characters?
I also experienced bad childhood trauma and can relate to finding similar books a comfort. However, A Little Life was not believable, therefore not relatable. The trauma felt like trauma porn, it seemed gratuitous. I have discussed it with a lot of people who felt similarly, some who didn’t agree also. In general I feel there is an issue with this book not darker fiction / non-fiction.
You don’t need to previously want to relate with a character to end up relating to them.
And it’s perfectly normal to have a reaction of grief, shock, rejection or disbelief to reading about trauma or a character’s traumatic experience and aftermath, even if you never had that kind of lived experience or you don’t end up identifying with them.
Sometimes I have a lot of empathy but if I’m struggling with low mood myself I don’t feel I’ve improved myself by putting myself in the shoes of others who are struggling. Like Beekeeper of Aleppo - really harrowing and what did I learn? That immigrants are deserving of support? I thought that anyway! I’m not saying these books are never worth reading - novels set in wars give a feel of what the country is like from a local’s POV, books about predators gives me an idea of how insidious the grooming or love bombing process can be, books about assault can be eye opening in terms of getting legal justice afterwards.
I work in a job where I see child abuse or domestic violence or human trafficking come through on occasion. When I’m in a good state of mind I can go home and feel chilled and think “that person was awful.” When I’ve been in a bad state of mind I’ve ended up thinking “the world is awful,” and got fearful doing very normal things like walking to the gym on my own in daylight. That’s when I need to go back to my dragon riding enemies to lovers joy reads.
I’m feeling low and struggling lately feeling like the world is awful, and reading this comment just helped me remember that sometimes people are awful but the world isn’t. I thought you should know you just helped a stranger feel better. Thanks!
Glad it helped! I’ve done some self guided CBT and gratitude journalling to switch my perspective back round which I personally found helpful.
Oh man I have a whole CBT booklet I’m supposed to do, thanks for reminding me haha maybe I’ll actually do it. It’s encouraging hearing it helps. Thanks!
What are the experiences of people who read books who did not read it with intent to relate to the character. Why did you pick the book up?
I primarily read to escape my own life so I don’t want anything I can specifically relate to. I very intentionally seek out books by and about people who are not like me and whose experiences I have never shared. It helps me develop empathy through a broader and deeper view of life.
This is me exactly. Reading is all about escapism. In fact it was the only thing that saved me from all my childhood trauma. I had (arguably) the most trauma out of all my siblings, and all but one and me have substance abuse issues. Reading is how I got away from the unbearable. Because of that, I will avoid any book I know is about child rape or abuses of certain sorts, because they cut too close. Of course, I am sometimes surprised in a book by traumatic events, and it just varies on how badly it hits me. But I want fun reading, not trauma.
Ya as long as the writing is good, generally, I can “become” the character while I’m reading it despite knowing I’ll never be the character.
It doesn’t have to directly relate to my life to be impactful.
I’m a bit like this too, I don’t read anything set in modern times. As soon as guns and computer type technology is involved, I’m out. I’m the same with TV shows and movies too.
I’m the same way with contemporary. I mainly read historical and fantasy for this reason. My main reason for reading is escapism and I find it’s just harder to fall into the story when it’s a setting I have personal experiences with
Curious you read any sci Fi?
I’ve read every book in the Old Mans War world, and the Red Rising series, but that’s the only Sci fi I’ve read. Oh and Ready Player Two well before the movie came out.
Any good books you recommend? Currently reading silence of the lambs - really enjoying it. But there are guns and some tech :)
I’ve read a ridiculous amount over the years, but it’s mostly high fantasy so that might not be your style. One author I never see spoken about here is L E Modesit jr. He wrote The Saga of Recluse, and The Imager Portfolio, which are both super long series set in very well developed worlds over a long timeline. He’s also written some sci fi that I haven’t read, and the Corean Chronicles, which is well worth a read as well. All of his series have unique systems of magic that I’ve never come across before, and he’s up there as one of my favorite authors.
Im just gonna clear something up here since my question was vague- My favorite book is about a girl stranded at sea who came from great privilege. just cause I read it young and Theres a part of the book that stuck with me, not necessarily cause its a literary masterpiece. I have never experienced anything that the girl experiences. THATS WHY- i asked the question. I appreciate all the conversation being had- calling my reading approach shallow is interesting but im comfortable hearing new opinions like that! But, my point with this question wasnt to say u need to see urself in a character to read a book. I am literally just asking other people, what do you experience when you read about a characters horrific experiences, that you dont relate to at all? What goes through your head. I will not however agree with A Little Life conveying trauma porn. In my perspective, and i get how this can be controversial, it is just my opinion; A book about trauma is allowed to be graphic and in depth, because I think IN MY OPINION- the best books about traumatic events are the books that SKILLFULLY dissect an event- dissect the victims and those around them, dissect what caused it, and what comes after it in fine detail. i say my reaction to other peoples reactions is Shocking, because my brain for a good while kind of thought everyone had a traumatic upbringing or experience for a long time- as it was all I knew. Now i know that thats not the case obviously, but its interesting to view how other people digest stories like that. Sorry this is written horribly. Im sick
I have had my fair share of trauma in my life that I’m still trying to find ways to recover from, even in my 30s. It’s given me some pretty low lows, but I have to hold some kind of hope that I can push through to something better. I enjoy reading or experiencing narratives of people go through something similar, or just going through something bad in general. I also find it weirdly comforting.
I think A Little Life is well written and paced. The characters feel real and I can identify with most of the characters while not having gone through the same extent of abuse or trauma as some of them, just because of empathy.
My gripe with the book is the author’s perspective on trauma. She’s stated in interviews that she believes that for some people, life isn’t worth living and that it’s almost selfish to keep them alive. Having this kind of perspective makes the book’s trauma reinforce her thesis which I inherently disagree with. I’ve lost several close friends to suicide. It’s devastating. They were worth fighting for, and their lives were worth living. I can’t help but feel that A Little Life is projecting a horrific message about trauma, that it’s okay to end it if you believe that it’s not worth it, that your trauma is inescapable. A Little Life feels less like a character study on someone experiencing suicidal ideation and more about a character written doomed from the start, per the author’s intent. If not trauma porn, then it’s simply exploitive, or worse, suicide propaganda.
I agree with assisted suicide. A persons struggles are not about the people around them. The person struggling is obviously suffering for a reason. If they aren’t getting what they TRULY NEED, not what others THINK they need, then what more can they do, suffer? I am sorry for your losses, but I support the perspective of the author and im aware that I will get hate for this. I dont wish suicide upon ANYONE or their families ever, but we do not live in a world where systems are built for the disabled and the under privileged. This is a harsh recognition of that. Some people need therapy, community, stability, understanding. But what about people with MDD? Who are not responsive to therapy? Who just keep trying and aren’f getting results? Keep them alive? Why? For your own comfort? I don’t believe suicide should happen, But realistically this world is not kind and lacks resources, education and support. Im not defending the author of this book. Some of her actions are questionable at the very least. But yeah, when someone’s options aren’t working, and they actually have reached many dead ends— it’s cruel to let them continue on for our own comfort- if we cannot actually help them.
I had a really stable life, no trauma and I personally don’t have any issues reading about traumatic things. I can’t do gory things but that’s basically it.
On that note I’m not a cryer or somebody who gets overly emotional; I am emptional but more drawn to anger than to sadness or shock or fear so I think that helps me when I read or watch traumatic books or movies.
I have a friend however who can’t do anything like that; she had a stable upbringing but a lot of medical issues in her teens and lots of surgeries, so I think for her if she hears something about SA or anh bodily trauma ita a strong no go for her, she’s truly horrified and it will ruin her day.
Honestly, I just like a good tragedy.
I can’t relate to characters with victim mindsets. They seem contrived. I can only assume that they secretly enjoy being a victim. It’s some kind of taboo kink. That might be why you enjoy reading about other victims.
I have the opposite issue, if characters come too strong with a optimistic/positive mindset I find them grating and “fake”. It just seems so inhuman
My husband grew up in poverty, but fortunately never suffered anything more. Poverty is bad enough.
I once tried to get him to watch a gritty film about a dude who lost his hearing. And my husband couldn’t take more than 40 minutes. He kept saying “it’s too real.”
I’ll never get him to read a book 😆
I defs think there’s a worthwhile conversation to have about a little life and trauma porn etc but I agree that I struggle with the WAY people express this and react to it. It feels a bit dehumanising to insists that what Jude goes through is IMPOSSIBLY awful. He was a very vulnerable kid and people in those positions are more likely to be repeatedly abused. As are disabled people. Also, it’s a total fable but that’s beside the point. People will read A Little Life and basically insist it’s impossibly traumatic and then wonder why people don’t share their own stories of abuse more.
EXACTLY🤌🏽👏🏽
Glad I’m not alone. I feel like if I say that to a lot of people I’m told I’m weird/like child trauma porn/that it’s morally wrong to appreciate the book at all. I just think these extreme reactions are so toxic and antithetical to what I see as the benefits of reading.
Stories are about conveying the journeys, life events, struggles, joys and conflicting emotions of complex characters. They don’t need to have similar experiences as me, or from the same culture or moral code as I am for me to understand what they go through and enjoy the experience.
It could be a story of a whole upside down moral system in another culture, and I’m still capable of understanding and empathizing or at least valuing the journeys they had and the interesting decisions they made under the impact of all that’s been happening to them.
That said, you don’t need to relate to every character to appreciate their journey. You just need to witness their experience and understand that it’s their journey with all its decisions, morality and emotions and value it for what it is.
The reaction I have to it is revulsion and anger like you would get for a friend who’s telling you this. You’re approaching it from a place of empathy, but you just can’t quite understand it like someone who’s been in their shoes can. But the response is still an empathetic one, it’s just one of anger, grief and dismay. Those are very uncomfortable. These sorts of books make me pace with anguish because even if you can’t help the character, you feel that desperate need to help the many people who are experiencing similar things.
Personally for me I love reading and learning about it different peoples lives even if they are fictional which is what I primarily read, its just so interesting how other people may react even if you don’t agree and how often times those reactions are due to previous life experiences.
I think I enjoy reading books like these because I like having new experiences and learning how to survive different situations emotionally and through books I can do this with traumatic situations safely. For example, I can learn how to identify when a type of emotional relationship I’ve never been in is forming, so I can avoid them in my life without having to experience it firsthand. It’s like a survival tactic.
Emotionally devastating books are my jam. I think it’s because I’m a total empath and have also been through a lot of trauma. I want to relate to emotions so when a book is sad but beautiful I feel it in a very real way. I guess I have a lot of trouble knowing how to feel my own emotions so doing it through someone else’s - characters in books or tv shows give me a vehicle to feel things such as grief or sadness or anger. I have also done a lot of work on myself so it’s not like I’m using these books as some kind of unhealthy way of processing. I loved A little Life, and although it was very trauma heavy, it takes place in this beautiful backdrop of friendship and love in New York, there’s so much more to the book than trauma.