I think for people who are in stable relationships who get a little bit of FOMO from reading romance novels, the FOMO isn’t really about the love interests being that much better than our partners. My husband isn’t rich and he doesn’t have abs, but he’s otherwise every bit as dreamy as the guys in the books. The little bit of FOMO comes from the fact that romance novels are always centered on the beginning of a relationship, when it’s all butterflies and off-the-charts sexual chemistry and minor conflicts and getting to know someone brand new and the thrill of realizing they want you back. The fact is, if my marriage is successful and I don’t get tragically widowed young, I’ll never experience that “falling in love with someone new” thrill again.
Then I think realistically about the fact that in order to have a hope of ever experiencing those first sparks again, I’d have to be single first. And I do not want to be single again. I like being married to my husband. And never getting to fall in love and sleep with someone new for the first time is a price I’m more than willing to pay for my happy marriage.
Yeah, I think understanding brain chemistry helps. We have a certain emotional and sexual response to novelty. The “spark” doesn’t feel the same after, in my case, 13 years together and that’s not a sign that something’s wrong, that’s just our brains functioning the way brains function.