Masculinity is not shitty. There are shitty men at this retreat (just as there are some shitty females at this retreat), but that is not the same as saying masculinity is shitty.

I see this post and some of the comments and…

I am happy for you all. Escapaing stuff like that is probably one of the best feelings, or you just end up devaluing yourself or worse.

So if the show is helping in any way, it’s a good thing.

I don’t know enough about sex addiction to know if there are emotional or chemical reasons behind it, but it does exist. My husband and I had a very good, active sex life the first three years of our marriage. One day, I came home unexpectedly while he was out back with the dog. I see a half-naked woman on the computer. Turns out he had put up an ad for an affair. I was stunned. His response was that it was nothing. He was bored and just messing around. Shortly after, the shutting down the computer when I walked in started. He thought I was not computer literate, lol. I started digging and found dating profiles on various sex sites. I’d confront him, and he would tell me he didn’t know how it got there. We went to therapy. He would tell me, " You just don’t want to let me talk to people," huh? You talk to people about gardening or hobbies, not to meet for sex lmao. There were always promises to stop. We’d argue. He’d move out. Beg to come back a month later. I knew this wasn’t normal, and he refused to see it. Eventually, he agreed to see a neurologist for his ADD. He was also diagnosed as bi polar at that time. The medication finally ended his constant sex obsession. So was his sex addiction a chemical imbalance? I don’t know. Did it clear his head enough to realize that a short, balding, overweight guy wasn’t going to be pulling in hot babies for random sex? Lol. I don’t know that either. All I do know is that it made me feel unattractive, unloved, unable to trust him, and angry that he thought I was stupid enough to buy his stories. He broke my heart for sure. I put too much effort into trying to understand and should have left sooner. I have no proof that he actually ever met anyone, but ultimately, I didn’t care if he was screwing everyone in the neighborhood. All I ever got was one " sorry," and that wasn’t enough for me to stay.

Thanks for this post! Even if the other couples aren’t helped out, and I hope they’re all doing okay, even the ones I don’t like, a lot of the red flags definitely resonated with me too. With someone I had been with for years and the sex addiction thing. I’m a gay man but relate a lot to Kalani and Yara with the online cheating and voyeurism. My ex boyfriend was very secretive about his phone and even told me if I ever touched it, he would never speak to me again (I never threatened or asked to see his phone btw - he volunteered that info on his own). Come to find accidentally being next to him that he was constantly chatting with other dudes on dating apps and this one time I used his hard drive to load up a fun movie to watch with my friend and Ho was visiting and he had TERABYTES of graphic pornographic images and videos on that drive. I felt so insecure and disgusting and small. Like I wasn’t enough and everything clicked into place. Like why he was so private. Idk. Read your red flags.

Here’s my take on Jovi. Jovi is an all around alright dude for the most part. He works a lot to bring home a pretty good paycheck and even though he works long hours while away, he’s used to doing what he wants without the consideration of others. I don’t remember, but also seems like he’s an only child. I’m the youngest child, youngest and only children can relate to some scale, and I can be incredibly selfish at times despite usually thinking of others the vast majority of the time.

He hasn’t learned that there are no trade-offs for good behavior for a period of time, he just needs to be good and do the right thing for the sake of it. Add selfish tendencies to drunkenness and you have quite a fire that’s hard to put out. He needs to get off the sauce and he wouldn’t be such an ass at times. He’s constantly bargaining for the excuse to fuxk it all up here and there and healthy families (and men) don’t operate like that. I’m about the same age as him, have had some of the same problems, so yeah I’m projecting 100% but don’t feel that far off.

I’m on the same boat as you! It was triggering but also great to see. it’s a very common problem.

Some info and resources, for those who don’t know, sex addiction is also in the same category as lust and porn addiction. They all go hand in hand. Believe it or not.

It’s an addiction to novelty and variety surrounding sexual gratification (visual or physically). Not 1 woman will ever be enough.

Brain scans of lust/sex/porn addicts vs heroin addicts have been done, concluded that they cause similar affects to the brain.

The subreddit loveafterporn is a wonderful place if you need support (for the victims of those partners).

fightthenewdrug.org

Having the cast hang out together is also very eye opening, I’m enjoying that part of it. I’m so disappointed that Jovi didn’t get to punch Ed tho, that would have been some good tv. Liz is a clown for stepping in front of Ed to “protect” him. Like wtf lol

I’m so glad you’re finding the show helpful to you and your situation. ❤️

I’m so glad someone brought this up. I was married to and had kids with a sex addict. Even after getting shaken down for money by a porn company who threatened to involve my then-husband in a John Doe lawsuit after he illegally downloaded porn, he was right back looking at it the next day. I hate to hear about other people who have had to live with this. Divorcing my ex was the best decision I ever made. I had no will to live at the end of that marriage. I am happily remarried to a wonderful man. I hope Yara and Kalani both find happiness.