I suggest this to a lot of people here, but maybe you should try anti depressants. Happy healthy people don’t make fun of other people’s recoveries. Your cry for attention/help is heard

In retrospect I love it for that sense of uneasiness it initially gave me. We spend all this time justifying the right to abort, which keeps treating the right as a point to negotiate from as opposed to an unopposable standard

Regarding your parents, they don’t get to make medical decisions for you anymore. You wouldn’t let your appendix burst because your parents don’t believe in surgery or antibiotics, right?

Regarding your grandfather, he definitely had untreated mental health issues, the whole country had PTSD in the years immediately following WW2, Korea, and Vietnam. That’s why pop culture in those eras leaned heavily on trivializing the abusive absentee father/husband

Regarding withdrawals, don’t be afraid of what might or might not happen- anxiety and depression often come together, making it difficult to scale the cost of change to various outcomes. Look at what’s happening to you right now. Not saying there’s no risk, leaving your home has risks. But the consequences of inaction are nigh guaranteed

Half the reason I’m on the sub is to give this speech. BJ made me realize I had depression because of Stupid Piece of Shit. I’d been hearing that voice for weeks and all my day dreams had been about self destruction for years. It was normal to me, I thought everyone had that all the time too. I didn’t get treatment for a couple more months, as my symptoms grew into a massive multi week panic attack

Finally I forced myself to get medical treatment. Therapy was alright, but what really helped were the antidepressants. Before I knew it, the voice and the visions were gone. I stopped taking the meds after about a year and the problem never returned as if I’d reset my baseline. Didn’t change who I was except that I’m no longer as fearful that everyone is lying about being my friend and I’m capable of having a wider range of emotions

I’m lucky, I took the same meds my parents did, as they figured out they had depression a year prior, and the results were predictable because of the genetic component behind depression. You might need to test out a few medications and you may need to be on them long term. But it’s so worth rolling those dice

Even if you don’t have insurance, there are usually clinics available. You can DM me and I will look up information for your area. Appointments can take a while to get but it’s better to be in line