I realize that by posting this question I’m cementing the fact that I’m similar to him I’m always needing validation, the same way he asked Diane if he’s doomed. But I, in real life, am struggling with addiction, I just had a conversation with my family after about a year of struggling with severe depression. I tried to explain that I don’t want to be this way but I can’t help but always feel shitty. They said that it was me who was propelling this cycle, which is true, but the story is so long, my life has been going like this for sooo long that I can’t remember what’s what anymore. So when they asked “why exactly are you depressed” I just said “I don’t know” over and over again and I tried to explain that it’s more of a state I’ve always been in, rather than an emotion from an event. The whole argument sort of had a “It’s you” tone. I don’t know. I told them I want to go to therapy, but they told me point blank that if I go back to my old ways that they’re done with me. I’m not sure what to do, I feel like it’s over.
Half the reason I’m on the sub is to give this speech. BJ made me realize I had depression because of Stupid Piece of Shit. I’d been hearing that voice for weeks and all my day dreams had been about self destruction for years. It was normal to me, I thought everyone had that all the time too. I didn’t get treatment for a couple more months, as my symptoms grew into a massive multi week panic attack
Finally I forced myself to get medical treatment. Therapy was alright, but what really helped were the antidepressants. Before I knew it, the voice and the visions were gone. I stopped taking the meds after about a year and the problem never returned as if I’d reset my baseline. Didn’t change who I was except that I’m no longer as fearful that everyone is lying about being my friend and I’m capable of having a wider range of emotions
I’m lucky, I took the same meds my parents did, as they figured out they had depression a year prior, and the results were predictable because of the genetic component behind depression. You might need to test out a few medications and you may need to be on them long term. But it’s so worth rolling those dice
Even if you don’t have insurance, there are usually clinics available. You can DM me and I will look up information for your area. Appointments can take a while to get but it’s better to be in line
Stupid Piece of Shit also made me realize I wasn’t as healthy mentally as I previously thought. It’s funny/incredible how a simple cartoon episode can change your perspective. I’m still working on getting help for my problems; unfortunately I’ve turned to recreational drugs to help me. It feels good being aware, but I’m still working on controlling that fear that everyone is lying about being my friend. Thanks for your comment!
I wish I realized as early as you, but I’m a couple months on antidepressants now and it is so fucking weird to not hate myself? I don’t feel the need to drink or do other stuff anymore. I can just be content drawing, or doing sports. I am more friendly at work. I can think of a future without getting panicked. It’s amazing
Right now I don’t see how I could stop taking those pills. How did you decide to go off them? That seems really scary to me right now.
My family hates the idea of antidepressants, their fear is that at the end of the day, a junkie is a junkie is a junkie. Whether it’s alcohol, marijuana, or anti depressants, they don’t understand what depression is so they simply say that psychiatrists have an agenda and are trying to shove drugs down peoples throats, “how did your grandpa fight in this war, survive without getting depression or anti depressants.” I kind of see their point of view, because i also question the validity of all this stuff a lot. And, if they aren’t for me then I could get hooked and have problems with withdrawals. That being said, I took antidepressants before, but also while still using drugs, and they have helped, but I never took them for long enough to feel a difference, because my mom found out and told me she didn’t want me taking them and she was worried about me.
Regarding your parents, they don’t get to make medical decisions for you anymore. You wouldn’t let your appendix burst because your parents don’t believe in surgery or antibiotics, right?
Regarding your grandfather, he definitely had untreated mental health issues, the whole country had PTSD in the years immediately following WW2, Korea, and Vietnam. That’s why pop culture in those eras leaned heavily on trivializing the abusive absentee father/husband
Regarding withdrawals, don’t be afraid of what might or might not happen- anxiety and depression often come together, making it difficult to scale the cost of change to various outcomes. Look at what’s happening to you right now. Not saying there’s no risk, leaving your home has risks. But the consequences of inaction are nigh guaranteed
Recently watched a video about depression and they started off by listing a bunch of symptoms that are more specific than the top results on Google and I was waiting for the punch line but there was none. Every single one hit me pretty directly and it was such a strange feeling