Why I think he is emotionally abusive:
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He doesn’t translate everything as he should and only translates in a manner that suits his situation and needs.
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Omits essential information all the time.
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Right before the wedding he decides to break up because she confided in her parents. But it’s okay when he does the same and turns everyone against her. Who runs to their mommy after there’s been a fight with a partner and talks shit about them to their entire family?
4.He always has to have the upper hand: Threatens to leave Kimberly or asks her to leave in every fight, Whenever he is asked to make a compromise - “Am I your servant?” “I’m not your servant” wth does that even mean?
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In effect he has entirely isolated her from his family and is trying to isolate her from her own family too.
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Straight up lied about the family situation and “wifely duties”.
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No safe space for Kimberly to go to, no one to confide in
Controlling someone in that manner and stripping away their identity bit by bit is absolutely not okay. I say this not because Kimberly is expected to make compromises, but because she is being expected to keep quiet about things that bother her and change the way she thinks. The situation is classic 101 guide in how to break someone’s spirit and make them complacent.
I wouldn’t call what TJ is doing abuse. You can tell he genuinely wants Kim there and is trying to act as a buffer between her and his family. I think the lack of proper translation to keep her from exploding. He didn’t give her enough information going in but I really think in his mind he’s trying not to overwhelm her. No matter what the dude does he’s gonna lose. Kimberly has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old and is ungrateful/judgemental by nature.
If you picture yourself as Kim (staged tantrums aside), I think it’s abusive.
Except…
…why she didn’t realize he was gonna transition her into a housewife? His lies of omission a part of his character at this point.
I think they genuinely like each other off camera. And sometimes on camera. But I don’t think that’s enough to justify how he manipulated their shituation.
He is 100% abusive. Sure he wants here there, so do most abusers. He expects her to cater to his needs, he belittles and invalidates her emotional experiences, he treats her like an object and has a clear attitude of authority around her, he lies and keeps her in the dark, and he gaslights her when she asks questions or figures things out. She is constantly invalidated, has no authority and is treated inferior, and she is being lied to and manipulated by her partner. This makes her feel crazy and overhelmed, and she screams. So what. She should be screaming and she needs to leave. Women in male dominated culture being treated like slaves with no rights of their own got slapped with the ‘female hysteria’ label for years.
Personally, I think most the issues from TJ boil down to cultural differences. When it comes to Kim, I think she has severe mental health issues.
She should not be screaming. She is an adult and is responsible for her actions .
Notice how nothing in your paragraph there mentioned having any respect for her or caring about what she wanted
Again, I think that’s cultural. It seems to be an incredibly patriarchal society. We’re looking at him through an American lens.
Why does that make it okay? Many things about different cultures are beautiful. But misogyny is not one of them and culture doesn’t excuse it.
I don’t think at any point I said it was ok, I said it was different. Too different to make a relationship work.
You said it’s not abusive for him to lie to her, patronize her, and then expect her to be the family servant for the rest of her life.