I support Shariyah’s overall aim of evaluating Sarper’s suitability for a committed, exclusive, long-term relationship. Marriage, as Shakinah describes it.
But I feel as though she’s filling her weekend with some overly picky critiques. I mean, if you really want to focus on the DMs, and especially with this man I think that’s not a bad idea, then maybe give the collection of empty liquor bottles a pass? The one thing Shakinah is able to handle without you is complaining about Sarper’s decor.
And I think Shariyah knows that it would be a good idea to pay attention to how Sarper treats Shakinah. You don’t have to infer or project to see the deficiencies in that. He’s right there doing it. So maybe focus more on that.
I know she thinks she’s helping Shakinah by arguing with Sarper about some of these things. And I suppose if you look at Shakinah’s relationship history and her tendency to avoid conflict, that might be good, as well. But I just keep thinking it’s taking up a lot of time if they’re only spending one weekend together.* And so is walking out.
*Like the manufactured urgency in the Hoarders show when people are moving like molasses on a three-story Victorian full of stuff and somehow they only have the crew for two days.
I’m just chime in about the liquor bottles on display. I’m a guy, and didn’t consume my first drop of liquor before I was around 30-ish. And I didn’t start drinking “heavy” before I was 40yo. But I’m perennially single, so…
What I want to say is that the first time my best friend since high-school visited my home, and witnessed my newly-collected empty bottles of liquor, collected above my cabinets, she did the me the favor of telling me: “No. Just… No. You are a 40-something man, not a 22yo frat-boy. All of this needs to go to recycling, like tomorrow!f A middle-aged crisis can be okay. It can even be sexy!!! But man-children are not sexy.”
It’s part of his sex apartment set. Cheap decor.
It is such a harmless thing though. It’s his thing. His gf didn’t have an issue with it at first and I assume his 2500 girls didn’t either. Who does the sister think she is to come in and demand him to throw it away? She can give him her input of course, but he shouldn’t be harassed about it. If his significant one don’t care, why change for others? It doesn’t matter what age he is or you are imo. It’s your life lol. It’s like is there a certain age men have to stop playing video games? Watch cartoons? Collect figures?
It’s garbage. Empty liquor bottles are garbage. Not collectibles.
If he’s actually collecting these items, he wouldn’t drink them. They’re useless and worth literal trash on his shelf.
I feel like people are slightly looking too far into the situation…
My friend collects bottle caps, I don’t think this is necessarily any different - I don’t view them as worth anything, but I don’t go bash him about it and call them garage
I personally collect snow globes
From the way people like you are describing it, I thought he was collecting just like regular beer cans or something - but no, it’s actual bottles.
I bought my bf a bottle of Blanton’s Gold (a single barrel bourbon). He only has a bump or two on special occasions (it’s rare to come across it due to limited supply each year). In my experience, most liquor stores can’t get it and bars don’t have it (and I don’t believe the online ads saying its easily available as only a few thousand bottles are produced a year). Liquor stores in states like VA even have lotteries that patrons can enter into to buy one if it comes available.
Funny enough, the MSRP from the distillery is like $75. But it can go on the market for hundreds. I found it at a specialty bourbon shop in DC.
But when that bottle is empty in a couple of years, it’s going in the trash.
Again my point lol. Who are you to judge what’s garbage and what’s not for others? To him there is obviously some value to it, whatever it is. It’s his house. His gf did not complain as far as I remember. There are tons of things that are worth nothing yet people collect. He likes it, hurts no one. It’s not like he’s hording it to the point where his house looks like a dump either.
Garbage is garbage, and yes people collect it but just because they place value on it doesn’t make it anything less than garbage. It’s just a quirk/flaw of their own mind. As soon as they are gone, it will go into the trash unless one of their kids also developed the mental flaw of placing value on trash.
If you enjoy having something around or it means something to you, what does it matter whether it was free garbage or some $300 teapot?
When I see people collecting “valuable,” non-garbage things in the hope they will be worth more in the future, it seems pathetic and I feel kind of sorry for them. So I suppose it’s a different piece of worldview among us in this conversation that comes from an attitude toward objects that’s probably formed in childhood.
I think he’s a rotten apple eaten by a rabid raccoon as a person but absolutely no stranger besides like a police officer with a warrant should feel entitled to demand to see someone’s private messages.
I agree. I think she doesn’t see herself as a stranger, because she sees herself as an agent of her sister.
The liquor thing kind of annoyed me. I keep liquor bottles from gatherings or a great night with friends. Most of them are signed with a little message on how much fun we had together. So I felt kind of sad because I’d be upset if someone wanted me to get rid of my collection too. Seems silly to go after that instead of the millions of other things he’s done.
Keeping the liquor bottles in Turkey isn’t weird or connected to memories necessarily lol. Many people do it. I liked collecting bottles too, not anymore though since I became more minimalist
I don’t collect them all, but I have several unusually pretty wine bottles and a collection of beer bottles that are kind of unique one way or another, including bottles of American beer that are marked “imported” because I bought them in the UK.
I wouldn’t be likely to look at Sarper’s collection and immediately think it was tied to the past. I might think it was a bit juvenile or bachelor-y, but I can’t look at my own decor and judge that that’s a character flaw or something.
It was like Shariyah was trying to find things to complain about - - at first she thought they were full of alcohol and his bar was too extensive, and then she had to figure out a reason that empty bottles were a red flag, when I still maintain she could employ her time there better.
I kinda feel like Shekinah is a grown ass adult, and she knows exactly what Sarper is, red flags and all. It’s not her sisters job to make Shekinah see the light- it’s her job to be there for her when it all falls apart. Once someone has their heart set on someone, there’s not much anyone can say to change their mind
Well, I agree. But I thought Shariyah had said that based on Shakinah’s romance track record, she wanted to prevent her from making yet another similar mistake if possible. Not her job, and not likely to succeed, but something loved ones often try to do.
I don’t know that she was focusing on those things to be a help, I think she was mocking him. She felt he needed to be knocked down a few pegs.
This was just a cover for…“I hate you so much since you ran through so many women and I can’t stand the idea that you’re running through my sister, that I’m going to pick on something meaningless as your beer bottles and DMs.”